I feel like I keep posting the same message under different titles at the moment, but I’m so confused!
My son is 2 and a half, and ever since I realised that come the autumn we’ll need to decide whether to put his name down for a school place, I’ve become incredibly stressed about the whole thing. I love the idea of HE and would like to try it, but how do I know if it is best for him? I’ve worked in schools, so I know how they operate, and can see the good and bad points to them. I suppose my main concerns are just that he might feel like the ‘odd one out’ if all his friends go off to school and he doesn’t. He’s very sociable and would love meeting new children, but I’m not sure how well he would cope in a classroom situation. He’s very lively and inquisitive and extremely chatty, but I could see these things counting against him in a classroom. He reminds me of some the children I worked with in primary schools, and they were always getting told off for talking!
I’m not sure about trying him at pre-school either, as I was considering putting him there for just one morning a week when he’s 3, but again, I’m not convinced if it would be the best thing. At the moment we go to 3 different groups a week and I stay at those as they are baby and toddler groups. He loves going to those, but I’m not sure what I could take him to when he gets a little older. I’ve joined 3 or 4 different Yahoo Home Ed groups, have emailed my local group and am awaiting a reply, have joined EO and have had some helpful info from a couple of contacts and am going to start reading ‘Learning without School’ by Ross Mountney today, so I’m trying really hard to find out what I can! I’m also going to have a look round the nearest schools to me, just so I can get an idea of what they’re like.
I guess my main concerns are that our son will feel left out and might get bored seeing mainly me, although I’m doing my damndest to find out about local HE groups. There are a couple further afield, which I’m willing to go to. My husband is generally supportive, although his main worries are whether I will cope with DS at home as he gets older, as I admit that I do find it hard being a SAHM sometimes, and also that old chestnut, the socialisation aspect.
Anyone got any advice? How did you do decide whether HE was the best option for your child (especially if they had never been to school)?
the flipside is “How do you know school is right for your son?“
I think that either option could be ‘the wrong one’.... but… I personally think HE is the less risky of the two options.
He has been at home with you and ‘HEd’ from birth, so you *know* he is ok with that, and it is what he is used to. Therefore the safest decision is to continue, continue to keep him with you, go to groups together etc.
You can always choose to send him to school when he is older, but 3 is very very young. I think you’ll have a better idea by the time he is 5 or 6.
My experience was that my daughter went to nursery 5 afternoons a week (2.5hrs a day) from the age of 3yrs 4 months. She was fine, straight in, no fuss. Although she did take a while to settle in and follow the ‘rules’ (like sitting down for story time when required, lol).
Anyway, then she went into Reception and had issues for the first few weeks - she didnt want to go… but I knew I’d be accused if I took her out too soon - I wanted to HE after nursery but I had given in to pressure (mostly from my mum) so agreed to send her to school.
Anyway, there were numerous issues with her going to school, and in the end I decided to take her out.
Now she should be in year 1, but she is at home 5 days a week (weekends, and Mon, Wed, Fri) and on Tuesdays and Thursdays she goes to a Montessori school so that she can ‘socialise’ and have some time away from me. Katy who is 3yrs 4 months now also goes 2 days a week but only stays mornings (2 to 3hrs). I do like her going, not because I think she needs it at her age, but it is nice to have a few hours free. Although she has missed a lot of sessions due to illness, lol. But it is nice just to have a couple of hours to myself, to do shopping or whatever. I’m also considering sending her on a wednesday afternoon so I can have a couple of hours just with Molly to do something… still thinking about that one.
You are entitled to 12 to 15hrs free sessions a week from the term after they turn 3 (until the day they turn 5). Personally, I think that is too much for a child under 4 (I cant believe that children as young as 3yrs 0 months were expected to go 5 days a week for 2.5hrs a day… but they are. When I think back now to when & how molly went to nursery-school I’m shocked!), *but* I dont think there is any harm in finding a nursery you like and trust, and requesting a couple of sessions and seeing how it goes. It’s free, and you can always decline if it doesnt work out.
It is up to you though, again, I dont think it is something you should *have* to do, but you could, if you wanted.
I should clarify, that though we’d need to fill out the school forms this autumn, he wouldn’t be attending until September 2011, doesn’t make any difference to how I feel about it though! I’m really torn about pre-schools, just because I’ve heard quite a few bad things about some local ones. The mums that told me didn’t think it was bad, but because I have a different viewpoint to them then I wasn’t very impressed!
There are a couple of Montessori schools, but they are at opposite ends of the county from me, so not very practical travel wise.
It’s such a glorious day here today, that I can’t imagine DS happily staying inside a classroom if the weather was like this. He’s be standing by the door saying “go outside!“
I think it’s easier to carry on what you are doing, maybe just start looking around for home ed groups so he can meet some new friends who will be doing the same thing as him and you can get into the swing of what’s going on near you.
A friend of mine’s son goes to a montessori preschool and it does sound wonderful and he enjoys it but I know it would be hell on earth for Sam. You know your son, and will know what’s best for him. Though, something to think about - I don’t know how long it is since you worked in schools but the changes they’ve been through so rapidly over recent years mean they are vastly different even from 5 or 10 years ago now.
LOL, yes, on nice days when my kids are spending hours outside or at the park I think “they wouldnt get to do this if they were in school”, I feel smug and sad at the same time, lol.
I know what you mean about preschools. One of the reasons I decided to remove M from school was because of the way they deal with behaviour. I wouldnt have sent K to Molly’s old nursery; but I was happier for her to go to the Montessori one. Although, the one good thing about M’s old nursery was that (they said) as long as the whether was ok (not chucking it down lol) the children were free to be inside or out, whichever they wanted. But Montessori take them out into the playground for at least an hour a day, and longer if the weather is nice. So swings and roundabouts I guess, lol.
I’d probably leave it if I were you. TBH I think it is easier for a 5 or 6 yr old to go into school from being completely HEd, than for a 5yr old to be taken out after going to school for a year or two.
He’d only just be 4yrs old in Sep 11, wouldn’t he? I’d probably leave it as you can always apply next year (for him to start at 5yrs) if that is what you decide you want to do.
Could yopu not fill in the applications for schools but not make the actual decision about wther to send him until he is actually 5? That way you wouldn’t be closing off either option right now and the pressure would be off about making a decision until you’re actually at that point. Then you’ll ahve a better idea of what might suit him at that age.
To answer some of your other concerns: if you worry he’ll feel left out when his friends go to school, then start finding some Home ed friends now so he’ll also have some who will not be going off to school.
My children have never been to school, preschool or nursery and that was fairly easy decision for me as what we were doing was working so I didn’t see any strong enough reason to change it. It’s great for me too as no school run, no uniform to buy and wash, no lunch-boxes to prepare, no PE kit! But you do need to work out how you will get your support too. Obviously HE groups (and the friends you make at them) can form part of this support group, but also family if they’re around are invaluable. My kids spend 1 or 2 days a week with my MIL, and my folks come over 1 day a week too and spend a lot of the time with the children so I can get other stuff done. Also, my husband works part-time (as do I though from home) and some of that at evenings, so he’s here quite a lot, plus I also run a home ed group which meets weekly, and we see HE and other friends usually every week and outings too. To be honest, if you’re imaging that HE when your kids are a bit older is like having perpetual toddlers, believe me, it’s not. MOst HE-ers that I know are often out and about - there’s so much to do - walks, museums, farms, allotment, playground, HE groups, outings, swimming, library. You won’t have time to sit around and get sick of looking at each other!
Although you are supposed to apply in septemeber for the following year I figured that if we moved into the area in August they would try and find a school place for that september so although they want applications in september if you are not keen for a particular school then why not leave it and apply for a place if/when you decide you actually want one? If there isn’t a particular school you want to get into by applying and getting a place you would presumably then have to deregister if you decide you want to Home Ed and would then be “on the radar” for your LEA, which I know some people like to avoid!
Hi there, my daughter would be due to start school in september, but she is summer born and would be just 4, so I think its too young imo. She currently attends a very small, play based pre school for 3 morns, and will continue next year for 3 morns. I thought 5 morns was too much, she gets so tired from playschool.
I was probably thinking a lot like you, this time last year, my head was all over the place and I wanted to do the ‘right’ thing by my DD but wasnt sure what that was! Looking back I really didnt NEED to send her to playschool atall, I thought she needed time away from me but she didnt, I thought she needed to socialise with children her own age but she didnt really. However it has been positive in some ways because I have had some one to one time with my son, and I feel thats been extremely beneficial for him.
I would like to HE mine ideally but my DH is not really on the same page, which makes everything more complex. I am currently thinking of HEing them until say age 7, and then just take it from there. See what feels right then.
My advice to you is to just take the pressure off about making this decision. I know it feels like youre going to be responsible for ruining their life if it all goes pear shaped! I would put the forms to one side and give yourself at least the next year to go to the HE groups, continue your research and enjoy worry free time with your little boy. You might decide to fill out the forms next year and start him at school when hes 5, and that will have given him an extra very valuable year of time with you. By doing nothing, you cant really make a mistake, I think thats better than putting them into school and then taking them out, so just take your time, theres no rush.
People apply to schools all the time and at different times of the year. If you are not too fussy about which school your child goes to, (or if the local schols are often under-subscribed) you can always leave it, you can still apply to a school privately nearer the time.
(Also, FWIW; when we had to apply for M’s school place, we put down the school she was already at [O] - she was at a nursery that was attached to the primary school IYSWIM - BUT at the time of applying, we were living 2 miles away in another village [C]. So of course we got refused our first (and 2nd) choice of school. We were given a place at the school in the village we lived in at the time of applying [C], even though I didnt even put it on the form as a choice, and I wrote on the form that we were moving during the summer!
So, anyway, I was all for HEing, but I agreed to go to appeal, as by the September, we were living about 50yards from the other school [O]. And we did get given a place there, even though they were full. All the other local schools were also full, so the LEA agreed to give her a place at the nearest school [O] (and our 1st choice!) lol)
It’s hard to know what to do, isn’t it? I like the idea of just forgetting about applying for a place when he’s 4 and leaving it until he’s 5. I would always give him the option of going to school and if we do decide to HE, then it would be reviewed every year or so. It’s good that neither decision is set in stone, but it’s difficult when he’s SO young and doesn’t appreciate what school entails, as I don’t know if he’s a child that would thrive or that would absolutely hate it.
I last worked in a school from 2005-2007 as a teaching assistant. The children did some great stuff, but I was always aware of how hard it was for the teacher to help all the children that needed help (even when I was there too!) I think our local schools are pretty good, but that isn’t the issue, it’s more to do with how DS would cope in a school environment rather than how ‘good’ the school is. People always comment on how happy and lively he is, but I’ve seen children that are like that get into endless trouble at school as they are so spirited and won’t ‘toe the line’. Hmmm, it’s a tricky one. I suppose I feel I ‘should’ send him to school first, but I’m worried as to how he would adapt to it.
My main problem with the pre-schools is how they discipline the children. From what I’ve heard they have ‘naughty mats’ or ‘naughty corners’ and we don’t use that sort of technique at home, so I can imagine DS getting confused by this. I’m definitely going to visit a couple, just to get a sense of what they’re like though.
At the moment my brain is screaming “choose HE!“, but it’s such an unusual path to go down round where I live that the thought of having to explain it to people over and over is a bit overwhelming. I was just chatting to my mum about it and she was surprised that children go to school at 4 now. I think if I mentioned HE she would panic, but if I talk about waiting for a year she seems a bit more relaxed about it!
I definitely want to go to some HE groups. My local one hasn’t got back to me but there are a couple further afield I’ll try and get to. It’ll be a fun train journey for DS anyway
FWIW I would make the application and then decide the week before she is “due” to start! That is what we did with our DD. I even went to the induction meeting which was the last straw and we decided she was going to the Steiner kindergarten instead! BUT - we had a place and could have taken it had it seemed right. Trying to decide what is right for a child over a year in advance is really hard and this way you don’t close any doors. I don’t think you have to de-register a child who doesn’t take up a place - you simply decline the offer. That was our experience. There is a HUGE developmental leap between 2 1/2 and 3 in my experience and yet again on the road to 4+.
Good luck whatever you decide - but I would take the pressure off by applying and then deferring the decision. We currently have a secondary school place for DD for Sept this year - but will probably not take it! We have options and choices, though - which if we hadn’t applied we wouldn’t have.
I don’t think you have to de-register a child who doesn’t take up a place - you simply decline the offer. That was our experience. .
When we rang up to decline M’s place at [C] school they asked why & where she was going instead.
And then when I rung up a year later to [O] school (where she spent a year in Reception) they also asked where or what she was doing instead. So I’m not sure on that one
Gaialover is right, a child is not registered with a school until he actually takes up his place so you wouldn’t need to de-register if you were allocated a place and then decided against it, as long as he’d never actually attended. If he hadn’t attended you simply decline the place and if they ask any further they are being nosey, and you just tell them you’re educating privately.
Naturespirit, just out of interest why do you feel you ‘should’ send him to school first?
Naturespirit, just out of interest why do you feel you ‘should’ send him to school first?
I suppose because it’s the ‘normal’ thing to do and I’m worried that he might enjoy it and would do better at school than being at home. Plus I wouldn’t want him to feel stigmatised as there are a lot of children where we live and he plays with some of them and I don’t want them making any silly remarks. I’ve only been seriously considering HE for the last few months and it’s hard for me to work out if I feel my decision would be in my best interests or his best interests! He may love school, but of course, I wouldn’t know until I sent him. In my heart of hearts though, I just feel that 4 and 2 months is too young to start school. Plus, as I’ve said, he’s so lively and chatty that could I see him finding it hard to settle and sit still at school. He’s very excitable and reminds me a lot of some of the boys I worked with in a primary school. They were 7 and 8, so of course a lot older than DS, but they were always getting in trouble for being ‘silly’, not paying attention, etc, when in reality that’s just their personalities, which didn’t work very well in a situation where they had to sit still and work!
