By The Green Parent
28th November 2022
I can officially say that I am no longer a breastfeeding mama. My breastfeeding journey ended with my third and last child almost one year ago. I have spent, in total, almost eight years nursing each of my three children. I won’t say that it has always been easy but without shaming anyone, I have always believed that breast is best and I am so amazed at my skinny, little body and what is left of my now shrunken, raisin like breasts, for being able to nourish my children through exclusive and extended breastfeeding. No one told me that my then, small, B cup breasts would be reduced to flabby, deflated remnants of what they once were though!
My mother nursed all three of her daughters so it was only natural for me to follow suit. Before I fell pregnant with my first, I started down the path of natural living, discovering The Continuum Concept, becoming a yoga teacher and prioritizing healthy eating and exercise. It only felt natural to continue that lifestyle, which included natural birth, co-sleeping, cloth nappies and more, when my husband and I decided to start a family.
Getting Through the Early Days of Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding did not come completely naturally though. My mother told me that it would take three hard weeks of painful, sore nipples until it became easy. During those difficult first, few weeks and lots of nipple pain, I kept reminding myself that I just had to make it to three weeks, and miraculously, my mother had been right. My breasts healed and soon breastfeeding my baby became the most natural thing in the world. We co-slept and I nursed him day and night, sitting, standing up and lying down! I dreamed of tandem feeding when I fell pregnant with my second but extreme nausea made me feel so depleted that I had to gently wean him because I couldn’t sustain it. But we’d made it two and a half years! I was so proud.
When I had my daughter, it was a little easier. I had my first home birth with her, which was amazing and healing in so many ways after my traumatic first birth in hospital. I had my doula and midwife at my disposal and nursing went much more smoothly this time. I co-slept with her and nursed her day and night as I had with my first but I didn’t have to wean her because she practically weaned herself at the same time that I had stopped nursing my first, at two and a half years of age.
By the time I’d had my third child, in another empowering home birth, I’d expected that I was a veteran nursing mother and that it’d be a piece of cake. I was so wrong. I had the most difficult nursing journey with my youngest. He had so much trouble latching on that my nipples were so bloody and bruised that I dreaded nursing. I entertained the thought of giving him formula in the back of my mind. I am grateful that such a thing exists for those rare instances that a woman cannot breastfeed, but I knew that that was not what I wanted and that I would persevere. I tried everything until my mother brought me some herbal, healing, breast pads and they worked amazingly well at healing my nipples so I could go on to have another lovely, nursing journey with my last. Unfortunately, my dream of nursing him for longer than the first two never came to fruition because medical issues required me to take medication that did not have safety testing on nursing mothers and their babies, and I could not take the chance that I could harm him.
Reflecting back on my journey throughout breastfeeding makes me smile for so many reasons. I love the story of when my mother was nursing me in a hotel lobby in the early 1980s and a hotel employee told my mother that she would have to leave because it was inappropriate. My late grandmother stepped in, a tough New Yorker, who had given birth at a time when breastfeeding one’s children had been looked down upon and she regrettably did not nurse her own children, and she gave that man a piece of her mind and let him know that they would most certainly not be leaving under any circumstances because he was the one who was in act behaving inappropriately.
I love that my two sisters and I all breastfed one another’s babies when there was a need, as my mother and aunt had done with my cousin and I, sometimes just for fun!
“My sisters and I all breastfed one another’s babies when there was a need”
When my dear sister-in-law’s young husband was dying right after they’d had their third child, she told me that I was the only one that supported her nursing her baby and even nursed her myself on occasion, and she was so grateful for my support. As awful as that experience was, I was so happy to know that I had given her what she needed and supported her in doing what she wanted and needed to for her child.
I was always a fierce breast feeder, nursing in public, sometimes with a cover and sometimes not, daring anyone to say a word to me and ready to pounce with some amazing, articulate response about how I was doing one of the most natural and beautiful things in the world and hoping that it would help empower other women to do the same, yet no one ever dared. I am now forty-one and I know that I will not have anymore children and that my nursing days are over. Yet, I have my memories and so much experience and wisdom to impart on other nursing moms and hopefully one day, my daughter and future daughters-in-law. I have given myself and my three, beautiful children a true gift and wonderful start to life and for that, I am eternally elated and thankful. Maybe I will one day decide to fulfill my dream of adding the profession of lactation consultant to my long list of possible careers as my youngest has started nursery and I am finally working outside of the home more than I have in the last twelve years. However, for now, I am perfectly content with my memories.
Kelly Murdock originally hails from the United States but currently resides in Israel. She is married with three children and teaches yoga and English to adults and youths. She is very interested in living an eco-conscious life and educating her children on sustainability.
