Gender Stereotyping: What to Do About it

I have spent the last six years, since becoming pregnant with my first child, thinking about gender stereotyping in our society. As my frustration built during my first pregnancy and the early months of having a baby girl, I set out to make my child’s early life experience gender neutral to the best of my ability. I avoided pink like the plague, tried to shop from places that didn’t put a gender label on their wares, and if I had to pick a ‘boys’ or ‘girls’ section I determinedly chose the opposite gender.

This was all well and good when I was catering to my daughter, but when my son was born I had a revelation. Gender neutral, at least as I thought I knew it, does not exist. Or at any rate is extremely limited if one truly avoids anything associated with a particular gender. I have come to realise that when most of us talk about gender neutral, we’re really just talking about slightly less overtly masculine. There is no place for stereotypically feminine things in our concept of ‘neutral’. Many are all too happy to dress our girls in blue outfits and trousers and buy them building toys and STEM toys. Very few parents are dressing their boys in pink, buying them dolls and princess toys, and giving them the freedom to wear skirts and dresses. Skirts and dresses don’t feel neutral, but why shouldn’t they be? It seems to me that our idea of neutral today is opening up the traditionally masculine to girls, but not the other way around.

Resisting the Norm
It certainly felt like more of a challenge to me, more of an act of resistance to the norm, to say yes to pink and princesses and dresses for my son than it did to say yes to blue and trousers and building sets for my daughter. But when my son naturally wants to emulate his older sister, his role model - wear what she is wearing, do what she is doing – there is not a bone in my body that wants to say no and see the devastation on his face. It occurs to me that there must be thousands of boys out there with older sisters they look up to who want to do what their sisters are doing. Based on how few I see doing it, I can only assume they’re being told ‘no’.

My approach has also been challenged since my daughter started (strongly!) expressing her own inclinations. She loves pink and princesses and is perfectly capable of throwing the worlds biggest tantrum if I fill her wardrobe with supposedly ‘neutral’ clothing and toys. Of course it is impossible to say whether she is truly, naturally inclined to love pink or whether she has been conditioned by the overwhelming messaging coming from all around telling her that pink is for girls. All I can do, as a parent, is challenge the stereotypes through what/how we read and discuss and play, and at the end of the day respect her opinion.

Choose Natural instead of Neutral
So my new approach: natural instead of neutral. Follow the natural inclinations of my children. Say ‘yes’ whenever I can. Challenge stereotypes every day but also respect my children’s opinions and, importantly, avoid devaluing stereotypically feminine things by subscribing to some ideal of supposed neutrality.

It is wonderful that we are slowly moving into a place where girls have more opportunity to break the mould of stereotypically feminine occupations. It’s important to remember though that the stereotypes we assign to boys are just as limiting, and we have to challenge in that direction as well and show boys the value of traditionally feminine pursuits. We can’t be positive parents if we subscribe to gender stereotyping of any kind.

It’s a tricky balance to find, actively challenging stereotypes while respecting your child’s choices and opinions. I have developed two main rules for myself to try and help avoid stereotypes and unconscious biases. The first: if I am ever inclined to say ‘no’ to something, I first ask myself why I am saying no. Sounds simple, but it’s a useful one for unpacking how I feel about things and where the ‘no’ is coming from. The second: keep challenging my thoughts and decisions. I am constantly re-examining my methods and ideas and, as a result, continually realising new things about our society and the things we may have ingrained from being raised as we have been.

Rebecca McClune lives in Scotland with her husband and three children, Lucy (1), Rowan (3) and Eilidh (5). She has become increasingly interested in addressing gender stereotypes since having children and is a founder of a new local charity, Gender Equality Perth - genderequalityperth.com